Maybe, you should start forgiving yourself.

可能有一天，

我不会再害怕。

可是我知道，

这一天可能永远都不会到。

我爱你。

可是，到今天，

我还是犹豫。

到底我的决定对不对。

You don't understand what i have been through.
You don't know what i have lost.

I have lost everything, everyone i love,
And i am not ready to lose you.

there are days you think back in life,
today,
is that day for me.
i listened, but i din't observe.
my life was written out for me years ago.
my life was what it was taught in dhamma school years ago.

we learnt about permanence, and yet, i was too naive to actually see it.
i see it now.

nothing in the world is permanent.
things change.
constant only exist in ideal situation, not in the real world.
from temperatures, to relationship.
with time, everything changes.
time is the key, and our paths is the chest.

maybe its not me,
maybe its not that i feel unwelcomed.
maybe its just that, my reflexes tell me that its time to let go, its time to move on.
holding on to something can only end badly for me.
keep this in mind, so that in the future, when this problem arises, you know what to do.

有些话说了,永远都收不回。
"我不爱你"
这句话,痛得我说不出话。
我真的很努力很努力的想说"我爱你"。
可是我能说的自剩下"话说了就收不回"。
我脑海里不断的重播那句话。
那天的回忆,有重现在我脑海里。
我很痛苦,很痛苦。
我们,结束了吗?
世界难道没了我们,只剩下我吗?

fuck february

我从来没发现，
我有多害怕你再次离开我。
原来，我真的好害怕。
每一分每一秒，
都在跟自己说“没事的没事的”
可是，我也深深明白，
他随时都会离我而去。
这种恐惧，不是一般人能明白的，
也不是一般人能承受的。
我应该放手吗？