你會不會好像七年前一樣，
離開我的對吧？

蒙蒙的细雨，拍打在我的脸上；
我已经分不清，是雨水还是泪水。

可能，我不會在你身邊。
或許，我會慢慢消失。

今天才發現，
我已經不是以前那個我了。
很想快樂，
卻沒辦法快樂。
永遠無法擺脫這個事實。

你恨我嗎？

我明白，卻無能為力。

我愛你。

對不起。

今天發現，你對我慢慢的失去信任。

我卻不怪你。

alone again,
alone forever.

當你真正的無能為力時，
就連道歉，也微不足道。

everywhere i go, it's the same story.

maybe not even you.

maybe its because i have nothing left...

life no longer has meaning.

今天發現了人生的殘酷。
也好，消失更好。
good riddance.

我知道你很痛苦，

可是，我卻無能為力。

I am all alone.

In this shaken, twisted world, I gradually become transparent, unable to be seen.
Please don't bother looking for me; don't stare at me..
I merely don't want to hurt you, inside a world, that came out of someone's imagination.
So please remember me; as vivid as I was.

 

對不起...

i broke down once,
no one gave a shit,
and that's when i promised myself
i will never break down in front of others ever again.

i am broken.
i need help.

It's almost like no one cares anymore. 

Actually, it is exactly what it is.

failure.

if you are happy,
i am.

i deserve this.
i don't want to be in pain,
i don't want to be miserable,
but we can't always get what we want.

there are times i wish i have no memories. 

there are times i wish i could just wake up everyday, forgetting yesterday.

there are times i wish there was no pain, no sadness. 

i wish i could.

結果到頭來，
還是一個人。

how are you today?

2012 - 'great'

2013 - 'good'

2014 - 'fine'

2015 - 'okay, i guess..'

the only way i know how to face you.

i'll never fit in anywhere. 

i miss everything about you.. everything.

i never got better.

doubt i ever will.

people are better off without me

i'm lost.

'are you okay?'
'no'

a conversation that i hope will happen.
a conversation that will never happen.

I hope so too

其實只是想被關心

對不起

人與人之間，

其實很脆弱。

yes, i am hurting.

你知道嗎，
你是我最後的精神支柱。
若有一天連你也走了，
我也肯定不會留下來。
就當著這是我最後的考驗吧。

‘我沒事’

好想對別人說 ‘我其實不好’，

可是連一個我能坦白的人，

一個都沒有。

以前傷心難過，

可以找一些朋友訴苦。

現在呢，

一個也沒有。

I am that friend who will always walk behind the group when the path is too small.
I am that friend that gets cut off during a conversation.
I am that friend that gets left behind when I asked them to wait for me.
I am that friend who doesn't get invited to hangouts alot.
I am that friend that if I want to go to a mall or someplace with a friend I have be the one who invite people to make sure I am included.
I'll always be that friend.

我习惯了无所谓，却不是真的什么都不在乎。

有些话，你不经意的说出口，我却很认真地难过很久很久。一切只是因为，我在乎。

我不是一个坚强的人，但是我知道，有些时候，除了坚强，别无选择。

世界上最远的距离，不是爱，不是恨，而是熟悉的人，渐渐变得陌生。虽然最好的时光，总是特别短，但曾有过的感动，我们都会记得。

后来终于能明白，有些人，你不主动联系他，他就真的不会想到你。

我只是一个人走了太久，久到我已经习惯一个人了。

无论受了多少委屈。我只会把它憋在心里。不是不想说，只是不知道该怎么说，能和谁说。

想太多和重感情的人最容易被伤害。

我没事，只是有些难过。

每次上街手机不离手，其实不是多想玩，而是为了掩饰自己没人陪伴的尴尬。

经历的越多，就发现很多事情真的不值得我们去伤心难过，有些人不值得我们去掏心掏肺。有委屈和难过也不再像从前那样向人倾诉，因为不是所有人会真的心疼你，有些人只会看你笑话。让你不开心的事和人，你也会懂得放手和视而不见。原来成长，就是让你发现可以依靠的只有你自己。

-@ChiNovelQuotes

it could have been much more simpler.

maybe i just want someone to somehow find me.
been leaving bread crumbs for years,
yet no one found me yet.

as long as the people closest to me understand, that's enough.
yet, they don't.
no one does.
not a single soul.

自己的世界

if only you knew

我還想聽你 叫我寶貝　怕你身邊 多了個誰
失眠的夜 獨自面對　　花少了蝶 樹枯了葉
還想聽你 叫我寶貝　　痛快心碎 或許乾脆
兩人世界 漫天的風雪　我愛過 　的誰

失望

其實我並不堅強，

不停的希望有人會找到我，

一直都希望有人能看穿我。

我需要的其實很簡單，

陪伴，確定，

就這麼簡單。

可是，

事實是，世界並不簡單。

想要並不代表擁有。

擁有後卻還會失去。

世界，真是很殘酷。

if wishes and desires are granted, i wish that i will never have wishes or desires.

so..
do you still remember me?

False tears bring pain to those around you.
A false smile brings pain to yourself.

Its all my fault.
I'm sorry I was to afraid to call you.
I'm sorry I'm a failure.
I'm sorry I push you away.
I'm sorry I can't give more.
I'm sorry I can't fight anymore.
I'm sorry I'm depressing.
I'm sorry I'm not worth fight for.
I'm sorry I can't change.
I'm sorry I disappoint you.
I'm sorry I ruined everything.
I'm sorry I didn't know what to do.
I'm sorry I'm lazy.
I'm sorry I don't want to get out of bed.
I'm sorry I couldn't live up to your expectations.
I'm sorry I fell and couldn't get up.
I'm sorry I hurt you.
I'm sorry I'm hurting myself.
I'm sorry I don't know what to do.
I'm sorry I don't have any ambitions.
I'm sorry I'm not good at anything.
I'm sorry I'm not good enough.
I'm sorry I can't push harder.
I'm sorry I can't feel happy.
I'm sorry I'd been held back.
I'm sorry I'm stupid.
I'm sorry I'm not smart.
I'm sorry I'm not more patient.
I'm sorry I can't sit still.
I'm sorry I cried.
I'm sorry Its all my fault.

期望越高，失望越大。
永遠跟自己說，
不要有這麼大的期望，
都已經失望這麼多次，
可是，受到一些些溫柔，
什麼都忘記，
結果還是失望了。
最痛苦的是，
永遠都沒有人讓我訴苦。

習慣寂寞，可是還是很不喜歡寂寞。

慢慢消失。

翻着我们的照片,想念若隐若现,
去年的冬天,我们笑得很甜。

sometimes, i need some saving too.

i just want to be normal

原來什麼都沒變。
世界還是這麼灰。

四天三夜的寂寞，即將開始。
headphones on world off.

you can only lose what you have.
you can only lose what you cling to.

生死有命。

沒醉就睡不著。

I need someone to talk to,
But I have no one left to talk to.

若你選擇離開，

我不會怪你·。

因為我不值得你去愛。

我給你帶來的，自由痛苦跟悲哀。

我不值得你去愛。

我人生是注定一個人，

孤獨終老，永遠寂寞。

對不起，我愛你，可是卻不值得你愛。

what i did can never be undone.
what i did should never be forgiven.
i am just another disappointment in this world,
where failures like me should just cease to exist.

i chose to be alone.
because its been a history that,
wherever i go, i only bring unhappiness and sadness along.

好像找人聊一聊，
可是卻不想讓人擔心。
事實是，我很討厭‘人’，
可是我更討厭我自己。

又醉了。
又哭了。
對不起，
墮落了。

if this is all it takes to tear us apart,
maybe we weren't that close to begin with.
maybe i wasn't close to anyone to begin with.
maybe i was all alone to begin with.
yeah, that's probably it.

was i wrong to believe?

乾脆死掉算了。

结果到最后还是自己一个人。

忘記了如何開心。
忘記了如何微笑。
忘記了一切一切。

i miss being happy.
Its almost like its been a long long time since I smiled sincerely from my heart.

Sometimes, it is almost like i am dead to you guys.

Almost non-existent.

有時候我會在想，

朋友到底是什麼？

對我而言，

朋友好像一堆慢慢在消失的回憶，

一個一個離開，

一個一個忘記。

若對我有意見，不妨直說。

一生人最不喜歡那一些虛偽的人，

在你面前可以使你的好朋友，

在你背後卻諸多意見。

所以說，

朋友只是一堆慢慢消失的回憶。

是時候放棄了。

all i have left are memories,
memories that are starting to fade.
soon i will lose everything,
including my memories.

每一天，
都覺得自己好像廢材，
一無所長，
什麼都做不好。

慢慢的，

朋友漸漸地失去聯絡。

漸漸的，

記憶慢慢的變得模糊。

對我而言，

這世界已經漸漸的消失。

再過幾個月，

我就能實現當初我飛來美國的目的，

在全部人的生活裡永遠的消失。

失眠了。

i am broken

‘有人會了解我嗎？’

這是我每一天都在問自己的問題，

答案永遠是‘沒有’。

朋友已經一個一個的離我而去，

生命裡只剩下過去。

記憶慢慢變得模糊，

人也慢慢離得更遠。

一步一步走回原點，
回頭一望，
原來都是一個人。
習慣寂寞，
注定寂寞。

對不起，今天又說了謊。
對不起，又讓你擔心了。
對不起，我今天又哭了。
對不起，真的，很抱歉。

我今天發現，
我已經不是以前那個我。
當聽見你對我訴苦，
我只能硬著頭皮讓你開心，
可是心裡卻很難受。
每天醒來，只想安安穩穩度過每一天，
只希望今天不會再發作，
不會在亂想。
對不起，
可能我們真的是有緣無份，
可能我真的不可能幸福快樂，
可能我真的只能自己一個人。
我已經在慢慢失去身邊的每個人，
這樣下去我真的很怕我也會慢慢的失去你。
曾經，我能很確定的說我能夠想像我們的未來，
可是，最近，我連明天我都不敢期待。

you were all i had.
and yet, here i am again,
alone,
sobbing at my computer screen,
reading through what i have been through.
in the end,
i realize i am back at square one,
i am back with nothing,
back being alone.

在人群中感到寂寞，

無人能理解。

多的是你不知道的事。

i never like to call out other liars,
because deep down i know i am the biggest liar out there.

once you spend your whole life trying to be close but having your feelings trampled over,
you will reach a point where you start to push everything and everyone away.

我從來不會覺得自己很脆弱，
可是這一刻，我覺得自己隨時都會做傻事。

永遠一個人。