I'm positive now. I hate weddings. I want to feel happy for the couple but I can't bring myself to it. 

I think the problem is me. 

忍还是走？

酗酒寻找解脱

酒解决不了问题

希望的是可以解决掉我

想过离开。

想着离开。

想过离开
以这种方式存在
是因为 那些旁白 那些姿态 那些伤害

  ⠎⠞⠁⠽ ⠁⠇⠊⠧⠑

 time to get a tattoo

'

跳吧。

还是开个无忧无虑的咖啡厅好。

The people once carried me through a rough patch are no longer here.

I'm going through a rough patch but I have no where to turn to... 

Bad habits are all I have left. 

Hi, it's me.

I'm the problem it's me.

Just die.

It's better for everyone.

I'm still alive but I'm barely breathing

每天都过着提心吊胆的生活

I feel like I'm losing you every time I love you.

I don't feel like myself anymore.

I feel like I'm drowning, unable to breathe.

Is it too late to jump off a bridge?

Every time I say "I love you"

I get the feeling that I'm that much closer to losing you.

I have no past

or at least, nothing that I would like to remember.

I have no future,

or at least, nothing that I am looking forward to.

I have no present,

or at least, nothing preventing me from just dying.

nothing except you.

and yet, whenever i say you mean everything to me,

i really mean it. 

and yet, you'll never know what it means, 

everytime i say it.

forever, and always.

Hey you,

Not sure who are "you" supposed to be, but I have some confessions to make. I'm feeling lonely again and I'm not sure what I am supposed to do. Those feelings that haunt me, I thought I'm over them. I thought I'm happy. 

But you know, maybe deep down I know, I don't deserve to be happy. My loneliness, sadness, depression.. I might be overthinking things, but at the same time, I have no one to tell and let out my sorrows. I want to just hug someone and bawl my eyes out, but I have no one to do so.

I'm married. I'm happy. I should be. But I don't deserve any of this. I tried opening up once. It caused more grief and sadness to everyone I love, more than it made my feelings better. It is not worth it. 

Sometimes, I just want to stop feeling. I just want to release everything I held back... But I know I can't do it. I am just hurting everyone around me.

Sometimes I just pray, for everyone's happiness, as well as for me to just leave.. Stuck by lightning, hit by a car, get cancer. As long as it can make sure that no one will blame themselves. 

These thoughts, they never really go away. The thoughts of death. No matter when I'm happy or in pain, it just sits behind the back of my head, reminding me constantly.

I guess I'll just hold on longer. And if I don't, this will probably be my final letter to "you", whoever you may be.

I think i'm pretty close to pulling the trigger. 

Just waiting for something to push me over the edge.

让人让够了。

 death is probably the only release